Quote

Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Law
Become
Women
Take
Wives
Lawyers
Lawyer
Lays
Wife

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
Joan Rivers
Image
I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
Joan Rivers
Image
I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
Joan Rivers
Image
Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
Joan Rivers
Image
I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
Joan Rivers
Image
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
Image
You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
Joan Rivers
Image
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
Joan Rivers
Image
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
Image
I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
Image
As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
Joan Rivers
Image
I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
Joan Rivers
Image
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
Joan Rivers
Image
old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers
Image
Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
Joan Rivers
Image
Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
Joan Rivers
Image
If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
Image
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
Joan Rivers
Image
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
Image
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers