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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Wife
Law
Become
Women
Take
Wives
Lawyers
Lawyer
Lays

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Joan Rivers
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
Joan Rivers
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
Joan Rivers
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
Joan Rivers
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
Joan Rivers
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
Joan Rivers
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers