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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Humor
Sense
Oxymoron
German
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
Joan Rivers
The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
Joan Rivers
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Joan Rivers
If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
Joan Rivers
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
Joan Rivers
If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
Joan Rivers
Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
Joan Rivers
Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
Joan Rivers
In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
Joan Rivers
keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
Joan Rivers
If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
Joan Rivers
My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers
I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
Joan Rivers
I hate reality shows that are not reality.
Joan Rivers
When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
Joan Rivers
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
Joan Rivers
I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
Joan Rivers