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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Unexpected
Surprise
None
Expect
Thing
Life
More quotes by Joan Rivers
Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
Joan Rivers
Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
Joan Rivers
I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
Joan Rivers
Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
Joan Rivers
