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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Unexpected
Surprise
None
Expect
Thing
Life
More quotes by Joan Rivers
My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers
I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
Joan Rivers