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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Thing
Life
Unexpected
Surprise
None
Expect

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
Joan Rivers