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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Grandchildren
Surgery
Nose
Noses
Thirty
Told
Four
Didn
Grandchild

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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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