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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Grandchildren
Surgery
Nose
Noses
Thirty
Told
Four
Didn
Grandchild

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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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Never floss a stranger.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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