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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Noses
Thirty
Told
Four
Didn
Grandchild
Grandchildren
Surgery
Nose

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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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