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Self-pity shortens your life.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Life
Shortens
Pity
Self

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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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