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Self-pity shortens your life.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Life
Shortens
Pity
Self

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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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