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Self-pity shortens your life.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Pity
Self
Life
Shortens

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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Can we talk?
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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