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Self-pity shortens your life.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Self
Life
Shortens
Pity

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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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