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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Light
Vegas
Cutbacks
Persist
Slacker
Rejection
Gonzo
Optimism
Tunnel
Train
Loathing
Humor
Tunnels
Another
Pessimist
Ends
Pessimism
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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