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old age' is always ten years more than we are.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Ten
Age
Years
Always

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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
Joan Rivers