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old age' is always ten years more than we are.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Always
Ten
Age
Years

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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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