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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Lourdes
Drown
Waters
Luck
Lucky
Type
Water
Would

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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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