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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Waters
Luck
Lucky
Type
Water
Would
Lourdes
Drown
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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