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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Making
Happens
Think
Improvisation
Thinking
Paying
Life
Havens
Haven
Plans
Attention

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
Joan Rivers
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I’m never without a bandage.
Joan Rivers
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
Joan Rivers
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
Joan Rivers
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
Joan Rivers
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Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
Joan Rivers
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
Joan Rivers
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
Joan Rivers
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
Joan Rivers