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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Making
Happens
Improvisation
Think
Paying
Thinking
Havens
Life
Haven
Plans
Attention

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I was my own buddy in camp.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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Better laid than never.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
Joan Rivers