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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Think
Improvisation
Thinking
Paying
Life
Havens
Haven
Plans
Attention
Making
Happens

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I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me sir.
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God always comes up with a third act twist -- and we won't know until we die whether the play was a comedy or a tragedy.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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I have no methods. All I do is accept people as they are.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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