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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Life
Havens
Haven
Plans
Attention
Making
Happens
Think
Improvisation
Thinking
Paying

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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