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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Think
Improvisation
Thinking
Paying
Life
Havens
Haven
Plans
Attention
Making
Happens

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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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Never floss a stranger.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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