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I wear the midi because I feel if you're going to look ugly, you may as well look this year's ugly.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Look
Wells
Well
Midi
Looks
Ugly
Feel
Wear
Feels
Fashion
Going
Year
Years
May

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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
Joan Rivers
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
Joan Rivers