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Having a baby can be a scream.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Childbirth
Scream
Baby

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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
Joan Rivers
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Joan Rivers
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
Joan Rivers
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers