Quote

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Conception
Complaining
Baby
True
Shirley
Never
Complains
Screamed
Childbirth
Cousin

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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly - hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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