Quote

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Never
Complains
Screamed
Childbirth
Cousin
Conception
Complaining
Baby
True
Shirley

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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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