Quote

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Complaining
Baby
True
Shirley
Never
Complains
Screamed
Childbirth
Cousin
Conception

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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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