Quote

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Never
Complains
Screamed
Childbirth
Cousin
Conception
Complaining
Baby
True
Shirley

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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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Better laid than never.
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