Quote

my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Never
Complains
Screamed
Childbirth
Cousin
Conception
Complaining
Baby
True
Shirley

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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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When you can laugh at yourself no one can ever make a fool of you.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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