Quote

When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Decided
Husband
Couldn
Married
Baby
Courting
Changed
Edgar
Waiting
Childbirth
Mind
Wait

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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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I think actual death will be a lot easier than dying on stage. Cause - you know - if you do [actual death] right, you can go looking good. Maybe with a little quip [like]: 'I loved everybody.' But dying on stage...Oh, God!
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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