Quote

Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Show
Chase
Business
Addiction
Night
Laugh
Shows
Hollywood
Three
Months
Another
Laughing
Would
Audience
High

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I was my own buddy in camp.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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