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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Business
Addiction
Night
Laugh
Shows
Hollywood
Three
Months
Another
Laughing
Would
Audience
High
Show
Chase
More quotes by Joan Rivers
I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
Joan Rivers
Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
Joan Rivers
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
Joan Rivers
I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
Joan Rivers
I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers
A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
Joan Rivers
Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
Joan Rivers
I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
Joan Rivers
A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
Joan Rivers
With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
Joan Rivers
I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
Joan Rivers
My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers
With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
Joan Rivers
If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
Joan Rivers
I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
Joan Rivers
There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
Joan Rivers
I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
Joan Rivers
Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
Joan Rivers