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I was my own buddy in camp.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Buddy
Camp
Camps

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
Joan Rivers
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Joan Rivers
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
Joan Rivers
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Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
Joan Rivers
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
Joan Rivers
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
Joan Rivers
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No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
Joan Rivers
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
Joan Rivers