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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Aging
Tells
Otherwise
Anyone
Attention
Rotten
Funny
Depressing
Nothing
Hasn
Paying

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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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