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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Tells
Otherwise
Anyone
Attention
Rotten
Funny
Depressing
Nothing
Hasn
Paying
Aging

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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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Show business can be an addiction. ... An audience would laugh at me one night, and I would chase that high for another three months.
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A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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