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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Funny
Depressing
Nothing
Hasn
Paying
Aging
Tells
Otherwise
Anyone
Attention
Rotten
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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Acting is my true love. I would like to have been a serious actor, and I plan to in the next life. I'm gonna be Meryl Streep Rivers.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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