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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Tells
Otherwise
Anyone
Attention
Rotten
Funny
Depressing
Nothing
Hasn
Paying
Aging

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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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You're college graduates now, so use your education. Remember: It's not who you know, it's whom.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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Self-pity shortens your life.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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