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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Tells
Otherwise
Anyone
Attention
Rotten
Funny
Depressing
Nothing
Hasn
Paying
Aging

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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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I think we obviously need health care. Of course we need health care, but I think that it's gone too far the other way, and I don't understand it. It's gotten so complicated. The minute they made a deal with the drug companies, you know something isn't kosher here.
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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