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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Nothing
Hasn
Paying
Aging
Tells
Otherwise
Anyone
Attention
Rotten
Funny
Depressing

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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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Life is very tough. If you don't laugh, it's tough.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
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I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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