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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Nothing
Hasn
Paying
Aging
Tells
Otherwise
Anyone
Attention
Rotten
Funny
Depressing

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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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Some women take up the law and become lawyers. Other women lay down the law and become wives.
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I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
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Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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