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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Restaurants
Checks
Younger
Fool
Skateboard
Feeling
Pretense
Age
Coat
Feelings
Coats
Always
Check
More quotes by Joan Rivers
The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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I got a waterbed, but my husband stocked it with trout.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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Valentine's Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.
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Two is company three is fifty bucks.
Joan Rivers
