Quote

How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

Joan Rivers

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Restaurants
Checks
Younger
Fool
Skateboard
Feeling
Pretense
Age
Coat
Feelings
Coats
Always
Check

More quotes by Joan Rivers

Image
Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
Joan Rivers
Image
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
Joan Rivers
Image
Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers
Image
Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
Joan Rivers
Image
That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers
Image
I am not lucky. I am the type who would go to Lourdes and drown in the waters.
Joan Rivers
Image
I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
Joan Rivers
Image
Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
Joan Rivers
Image
Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
Joan Rivers
Image
I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
Joan Rivers
Image
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
Joan Rivers
Image
my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
Joan Rivers
Image
I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
Joan Rivers
Image
I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
Joan Rivers
Image
Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
Image
They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
Joan Rivers
Image
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
Image
Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
Joan Rivers
Image
No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.
Joan Rivers
Image
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers