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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Age
Coat
Feelings
Coats
Always
Check
Restaurants
Checks
Younger
Fool
Skateboard
Feeling
Pretense
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Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can't you be like your cousin Shelia? Shelia had died at birth.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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Can we talk?
Joan Rivers
