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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Restaurants
Checks
Younger
Fool
Skateboard
Feeling
Pretense
Age
Coat
Feelings
Coats
Always
Check

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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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Everyone needs a facelift, except if you are from Brooklyn then you need a nose job !!!
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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The psychic scars caused by believing that you are ugly leave a permanent mark on your personality.
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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way humans work.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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I said Justin Bieber looked like a little lesbian -- and I stand by it: He's the daughter Cher wishes she'd had.
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The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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keep moving. It's hard for old age to hit a moving target.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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