Quote

How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Feelings
Coats
Always
Check
Restaurants
Checks
Younger
Fool
Skateboard
Feeling
Pretense
Age
Coat

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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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A German sense of humor is an oxymoron.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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I'm racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson's back when he was black.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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Can we talk?
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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I enjoy life when things are happening. I don't care if it's good things or bad things. That means you're alive.
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