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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Stills
Oscars
Still
Marry
Trying
Designer
Tonight
Stylists
Line
Cancel
Lines
Stylist
Almost
Francisco
Another
Designers

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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge.
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My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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I was my own buddy in camp.
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Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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I always like a charity with people who don't speak English because I get them to do all kinds of things around my house.
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Never admit that your back goes out more than you do
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