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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
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Lines
Stylist
Almost
Francisco
Another
Designers
Stills
Oscars
Still
Marry
Trying
Designer
Tonight
Stylists

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I'm a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we're making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.
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I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.
Joan Rivers