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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Lines
Stylist
Almost
Francisco
Another
Designers
Stills
Oscars
Still
Marry
Trying
Designer
Tonight
Stylists
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More quotes by Joan Rivers

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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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[When told that her grandchild had her nose:] I didn't get this nose until I was thirty-four.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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Since I met him ten years ago there hasn't been a day that I didn't think of George Burns. And I didn't think of him again today.
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I am so out of the loop. I am never honored. My career is hilarious to me. I am either under the radar or over the radar.
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Al Roker said I am 80 years 'young' it's like saying Al Roker is 320 pounds 'thin'.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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In life the only thing that you can expect is the unexpected the only surprise is a day that has none.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
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