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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Still
Marry
Trying
Designer
Tonight
Stylists
Line
Cancel
Lines
Stylist
Almost
Francisco
Another
Designers
Stills
Oscars

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
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I like colonic irrigation because sometimes you find old jewelry.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
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What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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Whatever you do to recover from a loss, people will be critical because they believe that the only way to recover is their way. And you will even run into some people who should be run into by rhinos because they actually don't want to see you get over your tragedy at all grief is a spectator sport for them.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
Joan Rivers
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
Joan Rivers
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Now, I'm not against sex before marriage, but two minutes before? When the organist played Here Comes the Bride.
Joan Rivers
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
Joan Rivers