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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Tonight
Stylists
Line
Cancel
Lines
Stylist
Almost
Francisco
Another
Designers
Stills
Oscars
Still
Marry
Trying
Designer

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The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.
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Nothing is yours permanently so you better enjoy it while it's happening.
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I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays
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Can we talk?
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
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Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to wake you up.'
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage I feel I am starting from scratch, still not quite sure what I am doing and where I am going, thrown by the simplest thing that goes wrong.
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Last night I asked my husband, 'What's your favorite sexual position?' and he said, 'Next door.'
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My grandson is mad at me. He's mad at me because I squandered his college fund on Spanx. It's a lot, but there's a lot going on here.
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The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.
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There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn't been paying attention.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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In every human endeavor, persistence is everything.
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Looking 50 is great, if you're 60.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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