Quote

My daughter refuses to call me mother in public my little grandson calls me Spongeslob Squarebottom, and nobody else ever calls me at all.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Ever
Refuse
Little
Daughter
Nobody
Public
Call
Mother
Grandson
Else
Refuses
Littles
Calls

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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
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She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.
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I am a dyke! And I'm damn proud of it!
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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My sex life is so bad, my G-spot has been declared a historical landmark.
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I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.
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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.
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You’re going to get what I think is the truth, and it’s going to be raw.
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After we made love he took a piece of chalk and made an outline of my body.
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I’m never without a bandage.
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
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Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
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If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
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Happiness, at my age, is breathing
Joan Rivers