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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny. And when you're very, very happy, you're not very funny. You're just happy. I'd rather be damaged and funny.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Thinking
Damaged
Perfectly
Particularly
Anyone
Rather
Happy
Funny
Think
More quotes by Joan Rivers
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Every television show you go on is a choice.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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You don’t marry for love. What does love got to do with marriage? I spit on love and marriage. You marry for money.
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
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Comedy is truth. We should not apologize for it.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
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I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked
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you have to do more than just kill time or time will quickly kill you.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus - that way, I'd visit him every day.
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
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I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
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