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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Married
Marriage
Friends
Gifts
Gay
Fortune
Cost

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Girls just want to have fun. Well, so do old ladies!
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Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.
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I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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Because I'm the only performer who comes out and says I've had plastic surgery, I've become the plastic surgery poster girl, which is hilarious, because everybody has done it and they all deny it. They stand there, like the Bride of Frankenstein, they've all got stitches, and they all say, 'I've done nothing.' I talk about it.
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I was dating a transvestite, and my mother said, Marry him, you'll double your wardrobe.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that whenever she went to London in a red dress, 30 passengers would try to board her.
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I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write, 'You are here.' I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.
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I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.
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The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.
Joan Rivers
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Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend to be little things. To be honest, I think I was probably angry the day I was born, you know, about diapers or something.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
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If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.
Joan Rivers