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Gay marriage, I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married, it will cost me a fortune in gifts.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Marriage
Friends
Gifts
Gay
Fortune
Cost
Married

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
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Oprah Winfrey is so powerful that she had the Rapture postponed until after her final show airs.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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I hate reality shows that are not reality.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
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You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.
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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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I wouldn't go over here to Lisa Rinna and I would say 'Are those breasts real, are you wearing underwear?'
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
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My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
Joan Rivers
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I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
Joan Rivers