Quote

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn't scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Long
Scare
Believe
Horse
People
Absolutely
Married
Saying
Doesn
Two
Victorians
Great
Horses

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I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.
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How to fool yourself into feeling younger: When you go to restaurants, always check a coat and a skateboard.
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I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
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If you don't want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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Florida wants to change the state's motto to attract younger people. They're thinking about: More than just a great place to die.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
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I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
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On her daughter Melissa: The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
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I have a million dollar figure ... but it's all loose change.
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I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
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They almost had to cancel the Oscars tonight because all of the designers and stylists are still in line in San Francisco trying to marry one another.
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
Joan Rivers
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Why should a woman cook? So her husband can say 'My wife makes a delicious cake' to some hooker?
Joan Rivers
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My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
Joan Rivers
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Can we talk?
Joan Rivers
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I was the last girl in Larchmont, NY to get married. My mother had a sign up: Last Girl Before Freeway.
Joan Rivers