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I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
World
Judging
Politician
Worry
Concentrating
Simple
Judges
Really
Lawyers
Think
Politicians
Thinking
Lawyer
Like
Crisis

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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we were married that he changed his mind and decided that I should have the baby.
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I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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With this face, I need all the deals I can get.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
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My earliest childhood memory was watching my parents loosen the wheels on my stroller.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
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Having a baby can be a scream.
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I think anyone who's perfectly happy isn't particularly funny.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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Dogs are easier to love than people they're certainly more dependable. Once they love you, that's it. A true friend in life is a dog.
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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
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I will only praise someone who can't take anything away from me.
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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