Quote

I like my politicians and my judges and my lawyers to be simple. I think if you worry about where your hemline is you're really not concentrating on the world crisis.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Simple
Judges
Really
Lawyers
Think
Politicians
Thinking
Lawyer
Like
Crisis
World
Judging
Politician
Worry
Concentrating

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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If you don't go to Broadway, you're a fool. On Broadway, off Broadway, above Broadway, below Broadway, go! Don't tell me there isn't something wonderful playing. If I'm home in New York at night, I'm either at a Broadway or an Off Broadway show. We're in the theater capital of the world, and if you don't get it, you're an idiot.
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I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it's like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.
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I think it's time they knew the truth about Beethoven.
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You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
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I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
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Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
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Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
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Sold my house in LA, packed myself up and moved to New York, not knowing anybody. Friends are very hard to make after a certain age.
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With age comes wisdom. You don't need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.
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A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.
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All Angelina Jolie wants to do is do good for people. And she was saying to me: If I could just make one person happy, Joan, I'll die satisfied. I said: Easy! Just give Jennifer Aniston back her husband.
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I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
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If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
Joan Rivers
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if you don't think that all life is improvisation, then you haven't been paying attention. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans.
Joan Rivers
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
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Age - it's the one mountain you can't overcome.
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But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback riding with Jackie O in Central Park if you're going to make a joke about her that night.
Joan Rivers
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I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.
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old age' is always ten years more than we are.
Joan Rivers