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Better laid than never.

Joan Rivers

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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Better
Never
Laid
Humorous
Sex
Funny

More quotes by Joan Rivers

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Why should I cook for my husband? So he can tell a hooker I make a delicious cake?
Joan Rivers
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I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done.
Joan Rivers
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My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.
Joan Rivers
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Learn what not to expect. Irish catholic they get sh**** little rings. Irish women get crappy rings. Baptist get the worst because they get the rings under water. When it comes up, it's garbage. Jewish, big rings. Episcopalian big rings. Italians-the best, because they get them off of dead people, and second wives get the biggest rings of all.
Joan Rivers
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I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Joan Rivers
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One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
Joan Rivers
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Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Joan Rivers
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My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Joan Rivers
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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
Joan Rivers
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Never buy a fur from a vegetarian.
Joan Rivers
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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.
Joan Rivers
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to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
Joan Rivers
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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
Joan Rivers
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Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
Joan Rivers
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Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we're going down the tube.
Joan Rivers
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I love the way my life has fallen into place.
Joan Rivers
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Don’t worry about the money. Love the process.
Joan Rivers
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There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.
Joan Rivers
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That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
Joan Rivers
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When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.
Joan Rivers