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I'll lie still for a lot of things - but sex isn't one of them.
Joan Rivers
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Joan Rivers
Age: 81 †
Born: 1933
Born: June 8
Died: 2014
Died: September 4
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Television Personality
Brooklyn
New York
Joan Alexandra Molinsky
Sex
Lying
Funny
Stills
Still
Things
Humorous
More quotes by Joan Rivers
my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.
Joan Rivers
Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: 'We will laugh tomorrow about this.' And you do.
Joan Rivers
My daughter and I are very close, we speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, pick up, I know you're there.
Joan Rivers
I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life my gynecologist examines me by telephone.
Joan Rivers
to maintain success, stamina is more important than talent. You have to learn to be a marathon runner.
Joan Rivers
I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Joan Rivers
The fun of working on the road means stealing from hotels. I've been doing it for so long, I have a set of towels from the Ark.
Joan Rivers
One of the most rebellious things a woman can do is allow people to think she’s mean.
Joan Rivers
Better laid than never.
Joan Rivers
I was absorbing a sorry truth of show business - rejection is the norm and acceptance the oddity. I was learning to cut the tops off my highs and stay with the lows where the rejections and letdowns would be shallow.
Joan Rivers
You know you're getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don't know anyone who can see through it.
Joan Rivers
Never floss a stranger.
Joan Rivers
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.
Joan Rivers
My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.
Joan Rivers
A Mafia guy in Vegas gave me this advice: Run your own race, put on your blinders.
Joan Rivers
My face has been tucked in more times than a bedsheet at the Holiday Inn.
Joan Rivers
Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'
Joan Rivers
What I love about jewelry is you can change it for something else without surgery.
Joan Rivers
I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
Joan Rivers
Anyone that says looks don't count is lying.
Joan Rivers
